That is what it feels like. And I know that it is not real. It is an hallucination of my sleep-deprived mind.
But it feels like the real thing. It feels like if I was back in one of those very dark places where I used to dwell, where windows are out of reach, and light has been forever shunned.
It is only 6 pm in Delhi. If I fall asleep now, I will again be up for the whole night.
This is one of the hardest things of the fucking path I am on. What the hell am I doing here? Is there really a purpose? Or does the apparent absence of purpose, once you can't sleep, actually underscore that there is no such purpose in reality?
This sounds bad. But still, there is this huge difference--I know that it sounds bad. And I know that it is an illusion of my exhaustion.
Just sharing a glimpse of this insanity... Reaching out.
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