"I'll be your girl if you say it's a gift, and give me some more of your drugs... I'll be your pet if you just say it's a gift..."
Those are the lyrics from a Fiona Apple song that I am listening to, while I am trying to think about our way forward in Pakistan, and how to overcome the hurdles in Brazil.
What does it take to get you to the place where you would say something like that? Does it really take THAT much? Or does it just require the right moment? The right place? The willingness to let go of the artificial boundaries imposed by conventional language? Is it just a matter of wanting to free your mind? Of insanity? Addiction?
I often think that I am impossibly indiscrete... A dear, dear friend taught me a good, good lesson several years ago about what to say and what not to say. I have improved a lot in some ways, by not sharing information that should only be mine or that have been shared by someone else with me. The lack of discretion comes on another level. There are just things that I cannot NOT say about what I feel, think, believe or hope for --directly into the face of the person that triggers the feeling, thought or hope.
The chicken once told me that I am brutally honest. I am wondering if, more than honesty, this is some kind of a handicap. Is there something that other people have, and that I lack, in terms of being able to distinguish between thoughts that I should keep to myself and thoughts that I should share with the directly involved persons? Is there some kind of filter that is missing?
You, the readers of the cosmic mouse, must have first-hand experience in this peculiar character trait of mine. Please, VOTE!!!!! Let me know what you think! Why am I doing this? What is missing in my mental structure that causes this lack of verbal inhibitions?
Looking forward to it...
3 comentarios:
My dear Cosmic Mouse,
This adds some more hours to our pending conversation on critical issues of our middle age crisis. The only I can say by now is that I prefer my nasty-charming-pathologically-honest-lagartija than any other possible more civilized and less uncomfortable variation...
I couldn't answer this question for you. But the 'Mindfulness' movement say that with these habits we should pay attention to our feelings before and after such habitual actions. Much to discover there. I have just discovered that before eating a lot I feel anticipation and after I feel guilt.
Not sure what all that means in my case, but at least I have more information than I used to.
Albert
nextsmallstep.com
Thank you for these comments... Food for thought. And thanks to all of those who sent me emails on this topic, instead of posting their comments here... I am thinking, and trying to understand.
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